A CHRISTMAS HORROR STORY

‘Twas the night after Christmas and all through the Isabella house, not a creature was stirring...except for good old bloggy Tony who was watching A Christmas Horror Story [2015] on DVD. Not for the first time, Tony thought how crispy cool it would be for him to put together a Christmas horror movie marathon. This was a notion he’d  raised on several occasions, only to be hooted down by his loving family. And so, on this rainy night, with the family checking out Christmas lights in downtown Mordor, excuse me, Cleveland, he had to settle for watching but one holiday horror movie.

A Christmas Horror Story is an ambitious anthology-style film with William Shatner holding together the four stories. Shatner plays a festive and increasingly inebriated radio host named Dangerous Dan. He’s working a double shift on this Christmas Eve trying to bring holiday cheer to the residents of the fictional town of "Bailey Downs," of which we will speak more soon.

Here’s a quick rundown of the four stories...

Three students sneak into their high school, which used to be both a convent and a place for unwed mothers, to investigate the brutal murders that took place there one year earlier.

A cop who was one of those on the scene after the above murders is trying to reconnect with his wife and son. They drive to a private farm to cut down a Christmas tree, but bring back something evil.

A dysfunctional family of four drive to a secluded estate to visit an elderly aunt in the hope of her helping them with their serious financial problems.

At the North Pole, Santa Claus faces an outbreak of zombie elves. Yes, I said “zombie elves.”

It’s more than a little bit jarring to switch from story to story, especially since it often seems that the tales all relate to each other in some way. However, outside of them all taking place in or around Bailey Downs, they don’t. Story one is only connected to the second story through the cop, who never figures in the first story. Story three is a stand-alone that only shares some mythology with story four and said mythology is a fleeting element of story four. As you can tell from the cover of the case, Krampus appears in the fourth story.

My original intention was to make this a spoiler-free review, but I have to reveal some elements to discuss the four stories of the movie.

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Shatner’s boozy DJ does a terrific job setting the scene and then reacting to the mounting horror. His angry weatherman holds up a “Fuck Christmas” sign before leaving for a food drive at the Bailey  Downs mall. Again, more on Bailey Downs after the spoilers.

The “trapped in the high school” segment is a chilling ghost story whose unhappy and vengeful spirit is tied to the school’s former use as a convent and clinic for unwed mothers. Zoé De Grand Maison is terrific as student Molly Simon, investigating the murders of a year prior.

When the policeman’s family trespasses on a strange man’s land to cut down and steal their Christmas tree, their asthmatic young son gets lost. Though they are unaware of it, he has been replaced by a murderous changeling. The switch has dire consequences. This is the weakest of the four tales with lapses in logic and mediocre-at-best acting.

After their elderly relative refuses to help them financially, the dysfunctional family are stranded when their car breaks down. They make their way back to the relative’s estate, only to be hunted by Krampus. The anti-Santa is one scary dude. It has the best ending of the four stories.

“Santa versus the zombie elves” is fast-paced and gore-filled with what appears to be little logic driving the story. I say “appears” because there actually is clever logic to the tale.

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A Christmas Horror Story has perhaps too many directors and writers for even an anthology-style movie. The three directors are Grant Harvey, Steven Hoban and Brett Sullivan. The five writers are James Kee, Sarah Larsen, Doug Taylor, Pascal Trottier and an uncredited Jason Filiatrault.

Here’s a bit of interesting trivia about the film from the Internet Movie Database:

The film takes place in the fictional town of "Bailey Downs" which is where the "Ginger Snaps" films take place as well as the name of the suburb where the Allison clone in the "Orphan Black" TV series takes place. This was intentional; the filmmakers were responsible for the Ginger Snaps films and [Ginger Snaps] director John Fawcett is one of the creators of 'Orphan Black".

Here’s a bit of stupid trivia about the film. For some reason, this direct-to-DVD release was re-titled A Holiday Horror Story for sale at some Walmart stores in the United States. The movie itself was not changed, just the DVD case. Given how many horror movies have had “Christmas” in their titles, I don’t understand the reasoning behind this change.

Back to the movie itself...

A Christmas Horror Story is like an above-average issue of a horror comic book. Each story has a shock ending. Each story has visuals that would fit in perfectly with the old black-and-white Creepy and Eerie or the better House of Mystery offerings. There should have been a comics adaptation of this film.

I was entertained by A Christmas Horror Story. In fact, the more I think about the movie, the more I like it. If I ever do get to have my Christmas movie marathon, this movie will be on the bill. It’s well worth watching.

I’ll be back soon with more stuff.

© 2015 Tony Isabella