Stephen Colbert, host of The Late Show with Stephen Colbert and my future dear friend, does a regular segment on his show wherein he strives to know his famous guests better by asking them questions scientifically prepared by his research team towards that purpose. Since it’s a sure thing Colbert would want to be my friend if only he knew me, I figured I’d move things closer to that friendship by answering those questions.
BEST SANDWICH?
Scrambled eggs, bacon and cheese on a sesame-seed bagel.
WHAT'S ONE THING YOU OWN THAT YOU REALLY SHOULD THROW OUT?
The collection of classical music albums I subscribed to when I was making really good money owning and running a comics store. If I could name two things, it would be the set of encyclopedia I bought at the same time.
WHAT IS THE SCARIEST ANIMAL?
Republican judges and politicians.
APPLES OR ORANGES?
Oranges.
HAVE YOU EVER ASKED SOMEONE FOR THEIR AUTOGRAPH?
Yes.
WHAT DO YOU THINK HAPPENS WHEN WE DIE?
In my case, I’ll become a vengeful spirit who will make the Spectre look like Casper the Friendly Ghost. My divine mission will be to deal with those scariest animals I mentioned above. Enjoy your new life as a turtle, Mitch McConnell.
FAVORITE ACTION MOVIE?
Sharknado.
FAVORITE SMELL?
Mountain breezes.
LEAST FAVORITE SMELL?
Corrupt politicians.
EXERCISE: WORTH IT?
Yes. I wish I had the drive to do it.
FLAT OR SPARKLING?
Sparkling.
MOST USED APP ON YOUR PHONE?
Clock.
YOU GET ONE SONG TO LISTEN TO FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE: WHAT IS IT?
Don’t Stop Believing.
WHAT NUMBER AM I THINKING OF?
1963.
DESCRIBE THE REST OF YOUR LIFE IN 5 WORDS?
I inspire future generations positively.
There you have it, Stephen Colbert. Now that you know me better, I await your invitation to come to New York to hang out with you and the band. I’ll even reread the Lord of the Rings trilogy. Or maybe just the Cliff’s Notes editions.
I’ll be back soon with more stuff.
© 2022 Tony Isabella
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