Thursday, June 8, 2017


Today’s three movies are proof positive that Bloggy Tony is willing to cut cheesy films like these a possibly illegal amount of slack. I’ve tried to explain my mania before, but here’s yet another look inside my thought processes...

I’m harder on comic books than I am on movies and TV shows. Because I know how to write good comic books and, as a result, know that’s not exactly brain surgery. I don’t know how to make good movies or TV shows. I’m like unto a caveman wondering how that “fire” stuff keeps me warm and cooks my food and helps me dispose of people like Rachel from Cardholder Services.

I can and do appreciate truly great movies and TV shows. But I do not demand greatness from them. In the case of movies like today’s offerings, if they keep me entertained for an hour-and-a-half, I’m good with that. I set the bar low. Honest.

First up today is Attack of the Killer Shrews [2016]. According to the Internet Movie Database, this film by Ken Cosentino was made on a budget of $2,000...and, no, I haven’t left out even one zero in reporting that budget. Here’s the IMDb summary:

Parody of the 1959 cult classic "The Killer Shrews." Hilarity ensues as small town Sheriff Martin Blake, movie starlet Fiona Rae and others defend the world from an onslaught of giant killer shrews.

The hilarity is usually forced, such as when virtually every actor or actress mugs for the camera while intoning the words “killer shrews.” The killer shrews are portrayed by not remotely believable puppets. The carnage and costumes - one character turns into this  half-human and half-shrew thing - aren’t any more convincing than the shrew puppets. But, despite all of the above, I kept laughing out loud over and over again during the movie’s 86-minute running time. In short, I had fun watching this film.

Written by Cosentino, who also plays a minor character, the movie is brilliantly and intentionally bad. Bill Kennedy is earnest when he plays the sheriff. Elizabeth Houlihan is delightful as the aging starlet trying to hold onto her career while taking up arms against the - picture me mugging for the camera here - killer shrews. The wondrous Lloyd Kaufman, himself no stranger to delicious cinematic cheese, introduces the movie. If I ever get to produce a late-night program featuring films like the ones that inspired my love of such movies, I would want Kaufman as the host.

The bottom line? Attack of the Killer Shrews is all about the fun. On my scale of one to five stars, I give this movie that recognizes its limitations and embraces them, four out of five stars. This one is a keeper.


Shark Killer (2015) is more action than monster movie. There is a big shark, but it’s only being hunted because it ate a diamond. I’m pretty sure another movie used this same bit and that I reviewed it in some previous bloggy thing, but if I start doing a bloggy thing search on “shark,” today’s bloggy would never get written. That’s what I get for being fixated on shark movies.

The Internet Movie Database offers this summary:

The services of shark killer Chase Walker have been engaged by his brother Jake, the head of a West Coast crime ring. The gig: kill the black-finned shark that swallowed a valuable diamond during a gang transaction. Enlisted to keep an eye on Ace is Jake's girlfriend, Jasmine. But Chase and Jasmine's relationship deepens with the threats from a rival crime boss: bring the diamond to him or die. Soon, loyalties will shift, and Chase will learn trusting in blood is for suckers. Now, it's crime boss against crime boss, brother against brother, and man against nature, as Chase strives to rescue Jasmine, save his own life, and track down the great black-finned shark that will be the greatest challenge of his career.  

Derek Theler is fun as Walker. Writers Richard Beattie and Sheldon Wilson - Wilson also directed - give him some amusing quirks, such as him not really liking the ocean from which he derives a living. The history between him and brother Jake [Paul du Toit] is complex, but also kind of fun. The best performance is from Erica Cerra as Jasmine. The worst is from Arnold Vosloo as rival crime boss Nix.

Shark Killer is a watchable 88 minutes long. It’s pleasant, but not a keeper. Though the movie was allegedly released on DVD in 2015, I could only find it from a dealer in Thailand. It probably wasn’t worth that extra effort and expense.

Shark Killer gets two out of five stars.


Produced by Roger Corman, Attack of the 50 Foot Cheerleader [2012] is a kind of sort of update of Attack of the 60 Foot Centerfold [1995], which was also produced by Corman. Here’s the summary from the IMDb:

Aspiring college cheerleader, Cassie Stratford consumes an experimental drug that grants her beauty and enough athletic ability to make the cheer squad. The drug has an unforeseen side effect - Cassie starts to grow and grow and grow.

Though not without its moments of mirth, this movie just isn’t very good. It seemed much longer than its 84-minute running time. Jena Sims is likeable as Cassie while Sean Young is frankly hideous as her mother. Treat Williams is functional as the corporate villain who is financing the experiments. Sasha Jackson and Ted Raimi are fun as Cassie’s best friend and the scientist swayed to the profit motive by Williams. Olivia Alexander is unimpressive as mean girl Brittany and Mary Woronov, playing the scary sorority housemother, is typical Woronov. I don’t see that as a good thing.

Since some of you will ask, yes, there is some nudity and yes, it is quite nice. Not nice enough to save this movie, but nice. This one isn’t a keeper. Not remotely.

Attack of the 50 Foot Cheerleader gets one out of five stars...and that’s due to Jackson and Raimi. I really like Raimi and would love to see him as the hero of a cheesy monster movie. I think he could pull it off.

That’s all for today, my bloggy darlings. I’ll be back tomorrow to bring you another installment of “Free Comic Book Friday.” See you then.

© 2017 Tony Isabella

1 comment:

  1. I do have to wonder: just how valuable is this single diamond that it is worth the effort of hunting down a dangerous shark? Someone really needed to embrace the phrase "cut your losses".

    Andrew L.