Time flies when you’re sheltering in place. Two months ago, I was oddly excited by a news story about a man who was caught camping in an abandoned island attraction at Walt Disney World. According to USA Today, Richard McGuire, 42, of Mobile, Alabama, was arrested April 30 after camping on Walt Disney World's Discovery Island. The man was banned from all Disney properties and charged with trespassing.
My burning question at the moment was:
If I could shelter in place at any deserted building, location or store, what would be that place?
I tossed the question to my legion of Facebook friends. Other than Walt Disney World, which would totally be a choice if McGuire had not done it first, where would you like to shelter in place?
Before I get to my response and those of my friends, let me share what I learned about McGuire’s idyllic island retreat. It was not the Discovery Island most recently opened to park visitors. It was originally known as Treasure Island and was closed to the public in 1999. It boggles my mind that any part of Walt Disney World could have remained vacant for two decades.
The original Discovery Island was an 11-acre zoo which let guests see exotic wildlife in a kinda sorta natural setting. Many of those critters would move to Animal Kingdom, which had its grand opening on Earth Day 1998.
Other uses for Discovery Island were batted around, including one that would have re-imagined it as a series of puzzles to be solved while visitors went exploring on it. I picture a huge escape room thing. Of course, perverse sod that I am, I’d have added skeletons of a captain, a second mate, a millionaire, his wife, a movie star and others.
An USA Today article revealed that others had visited the original Discovery Island and photographed parts of the deserted attraction. When I saw the sign, I was immediately reminded of Jurassic Park. Oh, hell, add some raptors to the skeletons.
Moving on to my dream pandemic shelter...
I chose the AMC 25 theater complex on 42nd Street in Times Square. Six stories of screening rooms. Incredibly comfortable seating that you could easily fall asleep on. A snack bar on every floor. Clean restrooms.
Of course, in my pandemic fantasy, every one of those 25 screening rooms is showing a different movie I wanted to see. There are only a few other people sheltering there, so social distancing was not remotely a problem. The snack bars were full of food and, somehow, the restrooms were cleaned by unknown persons.
My Facebook friends had other ideas.
Bookstores and libraries were popular choices. Among those named: Leakey's Bookstore in Inverness, Scotland; the Library of Congress; the central branch of the Free Library of Philadelphia; The Strand bookstore in NYC; Powell's Books in Portland; the Disney Archives; the DC Comics library; the Barnes & Noble in Willow Grove PA, which has its own Starbucks; and Charles Rozanski's or Buddy Saunders' warehouses. Because of the way my mind works, I kept imagining poor Burgess Meredith from that episode of The Twilight Zone.
Costco was another popular choice. Probably the smartest one given that the place has food, booze, clothes, books, games, electronics, furniture and about everything I could imagine needing for months of self-isolation.
Several amusement parks, luxury hotels, museums, resorts, secluded beaches and distant woods were named. If it was still around, and if I weren’t married, The Playboy Mansion (suggested by Clayton A. Moore) might have been on my list.
Some more unusual choices:
The base of Christ the Redeemer (Mark B. Kirschner).
The Winchester from Shaun of the Dead (Eric Sweetwood).
Buontalenti Grotto in Florence (Mary Cohen).
“Pinewood Toronto high up on my candidates list right now,” posted Dwight E Williams. “Those Discovery sound stages...”
My burning question at the moment was:
If I could shelter in place at any deserted building, location or store, what would be that place?
I tossed the question to my legion of Facebook friends. Other than Walt Disney World, which would totally be a choice if McGuire had not done it first, where would you like to shelter in place?
Before I get to my response and those of my friends, let me share what I learned about McGuire’s idyllic island retreat. It was not the Discovery Island most recently opened to park visitors. It was originally known as Treasure Island and was closed to the public in 1999. It boggles my mind that any part of Walt Disney World could have remained vacant for two decades.
The original Discovery Island was an 11-acre zoo which let guests see exotic wildlife in a kinda sorta natural setting. Many of those critters would move to Animal Kingdom, which had its grand opening on Earth Day 1998.
Other uses for Discovery Island were batted around, including one that would have re-imagined it as a series of puzzles to be solved while visitors went exploring on it. I picture a huge escape room thing. Of course, perverse sod that I am, I’d have added skeletons of a captain, a second mate, a millionaire, his wife, a movie star and others.
An USA Today article revealed that others had visited the original Discovery Island and photographed parts of the deserted attraction. When I saw the sign, I was immediately reminded of Jurassic Park. Oh, hell, add some raptors to the skeletons.
Moving on to my dream pandemic shelter...
I chose the AMC 25 theater complex on 42nd Street in Times Square. Six stories of screening rooms. Incredibly comfortable seating that you could easily fall asleep on. A snack bar on every floor. Clean restrooms.
Of course, in my pandemic fantasy, every one of those 25 screening rooms is showing a different movie I wanted to see. There are only a few other people sheltering there, so social distancing was not remotely a problem. The snack bars were full of food and, somehow, the restrooms were cleaned by unknown persons.
My Facebook friends had other ideas.
Bookstores and libraries were popular choices. Among those named: Leakey's Bookstore in Inverness, Scotland; the Library of Congress; the central branch of the Free Library of Philadelphia; The Strand bookstore in NYC; Powell's Books in Portland; the Disney Archives; the DC Comics library; the Barnes & Noble in Willow Grove PA, which has its own Starbucks; and Charles Rozanski's or Buddy Saunders' warehouses. Because of the way my mind works, I kept imagining poor Burgess Meredith from that episode of The Twilight Zone.
Costco was another popular choice. Probably the smartest one given that the place has food, booze, clothes, books, games, electronics, furniture and about everything I could imagine needing for months of self-isolation.
Several amusement parks, luxury hotels, museums, resorts, secluded beaches and distant woods were named. If it was still around, and if I weren’t married, The Playboy Mansion (suggested by Clayton A. Moore) might have been on my list.
Some more unusual choices:
The base of Christ the Redeemer (Mark B. Kirschner).
The Winchester from Shaun of the Dead (Eric Sweetwood).
Buontalenti Grotto in Florence (Mary Cohen).
“Pinewood Toronto high up on my candidates list right now,” posted Dwight E Williams. “Those Discovery sound stages...”
Mitch Tart: “Universal Monsters World. If it was open yet.”
My pal Arne Starr suggested The Hall of Justice. I liked that one a lot. However, the Batcave is probably the best stocked pandemic refuge. Before DC Comics murdered him, Alfred probably froze all of the gourmet meals he cooked for Batman that went uneaten because, you know, the Batman.
Area 51 (Mike Holton). If we promised to let them go, the aliens we are keeping prisoner there could use their advance science to whip up a vaccine for us.
Winchester Mystery House (Andrew Getting)
Conservatory of Flowers in Golden Gate Park (Catherine Yronwode).
The Rock of Eternity (Cynthia Finnegan). I like lightning as much as the next guy, but that and the frankly scary decor would scratch that from my list.
Ed Broderick stuck me as somewhat nostalgic for “the old farmhouse where I lived in a Hippie commune in 1970.”
The Wildfire lab from The Andromeda Strain (Drew Bittner).
Doc Savage's Fortress of Solitude (John Petty). Probably not very accommodating for someone like me, but I’d probably return from it smarter and in great physical shape.
One of my favorites was from Mark McConnell. “Gilligan's Island. I just need to make a coconut powered satellite modem.”
A great many of the responders stressed that, wherever they went, “no people” was a priority. I get that. On the other hand, even a grumpy old man like me likes company occasionally. I would suggest comely cosplayers, but, again, I remind you (and me) I am married. Additionally, I am old AF.
I hope you enjoyed this exercise in fantasy sheltering. Feel free to add more suggestions in the comments section. In the meantime, stay safe (mask, social distancing, wash your freaking hands) and stay sane. I send good thoughts to you.
I’ll be back soon with more stuff.
© 2020 Tony Isabella
My pal Arne Starr suggested The Hall of Justice. I liked that one a lot. However, the Batcave is probably the best stocked pandemic refuge. Before DC Comics murdered him, Alfred probably froze all of the gourmet meals he cooked for Batman that went uneaten because, you know, the Batman.
Area 51 (Mike Holton). If we promised to let them go, the aliens we are keeping prisoner there could use their advance science to whip up a vaccine for us.
Winchester Mystery House (Andrew Getting)
Conservatory of Flowers in Golden Gate Park (Catherine Yronwode).
The Rock of Eternity (Cynthia Finnegan). I like lightning as much as the next guy, but that and the frankly scary decor would scratch that from my list.
Ed Broderick stuck me as somewhat nostalgic for “the old farmhouse where I lived in a Hippie commune in 1970.”
The Wildfire lab from The Andromeda Strain (Drew Bittner).
Doc Savage's Fortress of Solitude (John Petty). Probably not very accommodating for someone like me, but I’d probably return from it smarter and in great physical shape.
One of my favorites was from Mark McConnell. “Gilligan's Island. I just need to make a coconut powered satellite modem.”
A great many of the responders stressed that, wherever they went, “no people” was a priority. I get that. On the other hand, even a grumpy old man like me likes company occasionally. I would suggest comely cosplayers, but, again, I remind you (and me) I am married. Additionally, I am old AF.
I hope you enjoyed this exercise in fantasy sheltering. Feel free to add more suggestions in the comments section. In the meantime, stay safe (mask, social distancing, wash your freaking hands) and stay sane. I send good thoughts to you.
I’ll be back soon with more stuff.
© 2020 Tony Isabella
In Adventure Comics #360, written by Jim Shooter back when he was good, the Legion is on the run and stumbles upon one of Luthor's Lairs, which, despite being centuries old at that point, could still provide them with food and clothing. I'd settle for that.
ReplyDeleteMy house on a wooded acre in Pennsylvania provides seclusion, electricity, running water and comfortable temperatures. I have at least a years worth of books I haven't read yet and a forty year accumulation of comics to re-read. No need to go anywhere else.
ReplyDelete