DEEP SEA MUTANT SNAKE

 

 

Deep Sea Mutant Snake is another of the seemingly endless Chinese monster movies I’ve been enjoying on YouTube. They are seldom very good, but, frankly, I’m easily entertained by such films, even when they aren’t in English and lack English subtitles. Most of them are similar to the movies the Syfy Channel used to air every weekend before the channel replaced them (and much of its other content)  with relentless showings of Harry Potter, The Fast and the Furious and other franchises. Boo on them.

Even without subtitles, I can generally figure out the basic plots of these movies. However, in this case, I found a synopsis online:

Qin Yu’s fiancée died while investigating the sinister Cass group. In order to successfully testify against this group in court, Qin Yu followed Jason, who had evidence of the group’s crimes, on a cruise, but was suddenly attacked by a group of mutant snakes.

By mistake, they visit the island where the Cass Corporation conducts illegal experiments. The strange ecological environment of the island and the re-emergence of giant snakes put Qin Yu and others in a desperate and deadly situation...

SPOILERS AHEAD
SPOILERS AHEAD
SPOILERS AHEAD
SPOILERS AHEAD
SPOILERS AHEAD
SPOILERS AHEAD

The movie doesn’t spare the CGI slaughter. We see the title snake, a large (not as large) snake and thousands of more normal-size snakes escape from the research facility and make damn short work of the folks who work there.

They next show up attacking the cruise ship, swarming the ship and making equally short work of the crew and passengers. The big snake wraps itself around the cruise ship. The next largest snakes goes through the corridors killing people, as do the normal-size snakes. Just one more reason I’ll never go on a cruise. Unless my Saintly Wife Barb insists on it.

Naturally, there are the usual plucky survivors: besides Qin Yu and Jason, we get a comely photographer, a young girl, an old warrior type trying to protect the young girl, a somewhat shady comedy relief fat guy, a scientist type and a woman who I think is a high-priced escort. These eight people escape in a large lifeboat as the cruise ship blows up and, apparently, takes all the snakes with it.

When the lifeboat reaches an island - the Cass Corporation island - there are suddenly three more people in it than when it left the cruise ship. This trio exists for one purpose only: to be killed by giant man-eating plants. The only explanation I have for this is: the special effects crew created these plants and wanted to use them and the director forgot to add the “red shirts” to the lifeboat when it left the cruise ship.

Okay, I’m being a wee bit facetious here. The plants are important to the movie. The equivalent of Anton Chekhov’s “If in the first act you have hung a pistol on the wall, then in the following one it should be fired.” Keep reading.

Having created three characters/victims out of nowhere, the movie adds a fourth such character when they need someone to be killed by a monstrously giant spider. This unlucky fellow wasn’t even on the lifeboat when it landed. He just showed up as the survivors trudged through the forest to the Cass research facilities. Alas, we also lose the old warrior who gives his life to save the little girl he had been protecting.

The research facilities are creepy as hell, filled with many dead scientists and staff as well as scattered documents and such. What the documents mean is anyone’s guess given the lack of sub-titles, but, as someone who’s watched many movies like this, I assume they were up to no good.

In short order, we learn the scientist type was affiliated somehow with the Cass Corporation and that the title snake has made its way back to the island. The title snake kills Jason (I think) because Jason acts as a decoy to allow Qin Yu to escape. I can’t remember what happened to the scientist because, by this time in the two-hour movie, I was just anxious to get to Chekhov’s next act. Which played out exactly as I expected.

Qin Yu lures the title snake to the beach where the plants eat the shit out of it. Anton would be proud.

By the way, a similar ending, albeit with snakes instead of killer plants, was the conclusion of another Chinese giant monster movie. I don’t remember which one because my brain can only hold so much
silly trivia at any given time.  

The movie ends with the survivors waiting to be rescued by a boat we see in the distance. They are joined by Gilligan, the Skipper, the millionaire and his wife, the movie star, the professor and, of course, Mary Ann.

SPOILERS OVER
SPOILERS OVER
SPOILERS OVER
SPOILERS OVER
SPOILERS OVER
SPOILERS OVER

Would I recommend Deep Sea Mutant Snake to be discerning readers? Not really. The extreme carnage at the start of the movie, both in  the research facility and on the cruise ship, is ridiculously fun, but that’s just eye-candy. Lacking subtitles, the film never truly invested me in the characters. The sinister corporation trope has become boring. I need new reasons for the monsters created in these movies. If I get access to a subtitled version of the film, I will watch it again. Otherwise, let my sacrifice in watching it save you two hours of your lives.

I’ll be back soon with more stuff.  

© 2022 Tony Isabella