I’m back and I’m in a weird place. I’m feeling pretty darn spiffy
about finishing a bunch of paying gigs on or ahead of schedule, but
I’m also overwhelmed by how many things I have to do over the rest
of the year. I’m angry as I’ve ever been at the sheer insanity of
the Republican Tea Party, even as I search (mostly, but not always
in vain) for some modicum of decency and reason in that benighted
mob. I’m happy that I seem to be over the worst of my recent gout
attack, but concerned about the side effects of the medications I
am taking to prevent future outbreaks. In other words, just like
the rest of my countrymen, I’m a hot mess. If there’s any reason
for me to be as optimistic as I am, it’s that at least I know I am
a hot mess.
I’m in a reflective mood of late, wondering, for example, why I am
so endlessly amused by the jerks of our world. A case in point is
the steaming piece of crap from San Antonio who, about a year ago,
went all whiny and angry on my Facebook page, culminating in vile
insults directed at my wife. He was even more so after I ejected
him from my Facebook friends. He sent me a private message filled
with more insults and threats. I ignored his next and, I thought,
final message. Who needs to waste time on such a jerk?
Still, I have to admit that this pathetic punk from Texas gave me
one of my best laughs of the month when, a year after I’d long and
easily forgotten him, he sent me another private message. Just one
This amused me. Is he compulsively reading the Facebook page and
blog of someone he claimed to despise? Is this some sort of “Same
Time Next Year” man-crush he has on me? Can I look forward to two
words of endearment in October of 2014? Does he have the slightest
clue I derive entertainment from his hatred?
Then there’s this tale from my world beyond the Internets. If you
read my Facebook page, you’ve already enjoyed it. But I wouldn’t
want to deprive those of my bloggy thing readers who aren’t among
my legion of Facebook friends. It goes like this...
It's last Thursday morning. I am in agony from gout medication side
effects too gross for me to describe. But I have these errands that
have to be run. The last one is a trip to my local library.
It's early enough that I should be able to get a parking spot close
to the library entrance. The way I'm feeling, every second between
me and home and bed counts.
I pull in and there's an asshole who has parked his car in two
spaces. No accidental bad parking here. His car - which wasn't all
that great - was parked in the middle of two prime parking spots.
He's getting ready to leave, but there's not enough space for me to
wait for one of these two spots without blocking his departure and
I shoot him a dirty look and then move on. Fortunately, there's a
space near the end of this parking area. I park there and exit my
The asshole pulls up to me, rolls down his window, and growls, "You
got a problem?" I respond, "Yeah, taking up two parking spaces is
a scummy thing to do."
He starts swearing at me. I take a step towards his precious car
and he gets all terrified. He guns the engine and speeds off.
I notice he goes only as far as the restaurant parking lot that's
accessible from the library lot. That strikes me as suspicious.
I go to the library entrance, but I don't go in. Instead, I stand
behind a pillar where I can see him, but he can't see me.
Sure enough, he exits his car and he starts walking back toward the
library. He's holding something in his hand. It could be a tool, it
could be a hunk of wood. It's definitely something. He's focused on
I wait until he gets maybe four feet from my van and then I press
the panic button on my keys. My van erupts in loud honking and
flashing lights and the asshole looks like he's just dropped a load
in his pants.
He takes off like a shot, races to his car, jumps in, guns it and
takes off through the restaurant parking lot exit.
This made me feel good. I hope the telling of the tale amuses you.
I don’t know why jerks do and say the things that they do and say.
My best guess is their brains are just wired wrong. On occasion,
when I hear the nonsense spouted by the likes of Ted Cruz and other
creatures of the dumb, I wonder if humanity is sharing this planet
with a hidden race of evil clowns.
I can laugh off jerks like my worshipful crusher from San Antonio
and even the poopy-pants coward from the library parking lot. I
have less success laughing off jerks who actually have the power to
hurt my country and its people. But I try. Laughter is a pretty
good medicine. Maybe not as good as a single-payer health system
would be or the flawed but vital Affordable Care Act is, but good
Stay well, my friends.
I’ll be back tomorrow with more stuff.
© 2013 Tony Isabella