Sunday, November 27, 2016


If Emperor-Elect Donald Trump does manage to build a wall between the U.S. and Mexico, he’ll be doing so for the wrong reasons. The racist orange goop wants to keep out Mexican immigrants, which he so famously and falsely characterized as being mostly drug dealers, rapists and other criminals. But there is a far worse danger from Mexico and he has never addressed this peril. I speak, of course, of poinsettias.

Wikipedia describes the poinsettia aka “The Devil’s Flower” as “a commercially important plant species of the diverse spurge family. The species is indigenous to Mexico. It is particularly well known for its red and green foliage and is widely used in Christmas floral displays. It derives its common English name from Joel Roberts Poinsett, the first United States Minister to Mexico, who introduced the plant to the US in 1825.”

A government official brought the poinsettia to America. As I see it, that’s treason. As a result of Poinsett’s criminality, on each and every Christmas, my Sainted Wife Barb insists we go to the Home Depot in Medina, Ohio, at six-[censored]-o’clock in the morning to buy two dozen of the only natural plant that looks like it’s made of plastic. And evil plastic at that.

I have agreed to this infamy in years past for three reasons. Barb likes these plants and, though I question her sanity and taste, I wouldn’t want to make too big deal of her choice. After all, Barb also likes me enough to have kept me for over 32 years. If she were to start questioning her buying of poinsettias, who knows what else she might start questioning.

Barb likes me to go to Home Depot with her for these hell plants. It’s a holiday tradition. I like to make Barb happy because...see the previous paragraph.

The third reason is...I go for the donuts. In previous years, Home Depot has laid out a very nice spread of tasty pastries for their  earliest Black Friday customers. My intake of donuts is way down on account of my daughter Kelly thinks they will kill me. She thinks a lot of things will kill me, but she’s probably right about those donuts. Still, on a holy day like Black Friday, she would not deny me such a small lapse in my diet.

However...this is 2016.

This is the year when our world was turned upside down by American voters who left their brains and their souls at home when they went to the voting booths. In electing Trump, they have damaged the very fabrics of reality and sanity. The ripple effects from their awful choices are already spreading.

Barb could not go to Home Depot on Black Friday morning. She had to go to work earlier than she has had to do in years past. So I went in search of those ninety-nine-cent poinsettias with our children Eddie and Kelly. I accepted this. Change is part of life.

When we got to Home Depot, there were no donuts. Instead of a vast display of assorted treats, there were little tiny oranges and some sort of granola bars. What the [censored]!

When we got into Home Depot, we discovered that the store was only selling red poinsettias at the ninety-nine-cent price. If you were to buy white or yellow poinsettias, you would have to pay at least three times as much. That’s just plain racist.

Well played, Satan. Well played.

End times or not, I will continue to battle evil. Whether it be a soulless pile of orange goop or a flower from the depths of Hell. No offense intended to Mexico.

You might have won the Black Friday Poinsettia Battle, you cloven-hooved fiend, but the war goes on!

© 2016 Tony Isabella

1 comment:

  1. Every year we seem to get at least one poinsettia from a neighbor or friend, so we don't have to buy them. This year we got two deposited on our backstep. Got to agree there is something unnatural about them.