I've been doing quite a bit of self-reflection as I ease my way back to work. Something occurred to me yesterday and it may point to why the Big Two editors and publishers aren't interested in working with me. Alas, it's not something that's likely to change.
Here it is...
I write about good (sometimes flawed) super-heroes. My heroes are unselfish. They triumph over overwhelming challenges to help people and bring evil to justice.
Many of today's Big Two writers - I won't say "most" because I'm not currently reading many of their books - are content to let the heroes barely survive their generally self-involved battles while allowing evil to escape without consequence and to return to do more evil over and over again. Ordinary people are little more than statistics in their stories, extras without spoken lines or back story who exist merely to die horribly at the hands of the villains.
When I took this sabbatical to work on some personal issues and matters, I thought I would achieve clarity about my path going forward. That hasn't happened.
Even today, part of me wants to throw in the towel. Stop writing cold turkey. Read all the books I haven't read and watch all the movies I haven't watched. Leave social media. Downsize my Vast Accumulation of Stuff to as little as 10% of what I own. Work on being able to move to a smaller house in a hopefully progressive liberal community where I don't have to worry about some insane Trumper taking a shot at me.
I've struggled with depression all my adult life. I know I'm far from alone in that, especially in these times of Covid-19 and domestic right-wing terrorism. We've lost so many good people and pets. We've seen treason supported by elected officials who took oaths that they would defend our country and Constitution. Even now, they work to destroy America and democracy. It's soul-crushing.
I will write today. I will write tomorrow. And hope that there is light as the journey and the struggle continue.