Today I’m looking at the two movies that premiered in the middle of Sharknado Week 2017 on the Syfy channel. First up is Trailer Park Shark, which aired on Wednesday, August 2.
Trailer Park Shark hooked me with that great title and then lost me within in the first five minutes of the movie. Privileged city boy that I am, I was still put off by the film’s offensive portrayals of its trailer park residents. Dehumanizing the characters we’re supposed to care about as a great white shark dines at the redneck buffet? What genius came up with that notion?
Director Griff Furst has an impressive resume as a director, actor and writer, but he was off his game in this film, co-written with four other writers: Nathan Furst, Marcy Holland, Matt Muschamp and Xander Wolfe. Way too many cooks.
The movie stars Thomas Ian Nicholas as Rob, whose curly hair looks pretty much the same as when the actor starred in 1993's Rookie of the Year. Recognizing the grown-up Nicholas was the very few good moments I had while watching this movie. Also in the movie: Lulu Jovovich as hot girlfriend Joline, Clint James as Rufus the Cowboy, Elise Berggreen as the overly-made-up Daisy, Josh Whites as creepy thug Bruno, Dennis Haskins as the cliched boss of the trailer park and everything that supplies it and, in an absolutely wasted short part, Tara Reid as Billie Jean. Tara, baby, you’re better than this movie. Next time, if you’re sitting around waiting to star in the next Sharknado movie, e-mail me. I can write you a much better part in a much better monster movie.
Here’s the Internet Movie Database summary:
A tropical storm floods Soggy Meadows trailer park and forces a hungry shark upriver.
SPOILERS AHEAD
SPOILERS AHEAD
SPOILERS AHEAD
SPOILERS AHEAD
SPOILERS AHEAD
SPOILERS AHEAD
It’s not just a tropical storm that floods the trailer park. It’s that their landlord ordered Bruno to dynamite a levee so that the storm would flood the trailer park. We don’t see the flooding and I’m guessing that’s because you can only stretch a ridiculously low budget so far. The hungry shark is a great white who doesn’t know it can’t live in fresh water, though a character tries to cover for that by saying it came inland to give birth. That doesn’t happen and is never mentioned again. Oh, yeah, and the shark is already in the area before the levee goes boom.
By the time we get to the flooded camp, most of the trailers are mostly underwater and some of them have been swept to other parts of the area. The shark eats Rob’s uncle when the two of them are trying to hook up the trailer park to a wind turbine and get free electricity. The turbine will show up for the climax.
Rob gets video of Bruno fleeing the scene of the explosion, but the shark eats the video. Boss Deconnard, who has plans for the trailer park land, tells Bruno and his goons to make sure no one survives the flooding and, especially, to make sure Rob doesn’t expose their murderous actions.
As the movie progresses, the shark eats almost all of the trailer park residents and all of the bad guys. It also eats a horse, which struck me as pointlessly cruel. That horse might still have had a career after this movie.
Sometimes the shark jumps out of the water to eat someone standing on a mostly sunken trailer. Sometimes it just waits for them to go into the water. Once it plows into a trailer to eat the only black character in the film and - Do you have to ask? - that character is horribly offensive.
Rob and Joline catch the shark, but it breaks free and, trailing a cable, gets caught by the wind turbine blades, pulled up to the top of the wind turbine, and sliced into a great many gooey chunks of shark. I have an enormous capacity to willingly suspend my belief when watching movies like this. This was beyond even that capacity.
SPOILERS OVER
SPOILERS OVER
SPOILERS OVER
SPOILERS OVER
SPOILERS OVER
SPOILERS OVER
Trailer Park Shark was not worth watching beyond that this review will prove to my family that I don’t love every cheesy shark movie that comes my way. I strongly recommend that you not toss away the ninety minutes it will take you to watch it.
The week got back on track with the Thursday, August 3 premiere of Toxic Shark. Directed by first-time director Cole Sharp, it was a fun shark flick with a nice mix of likeable characters and at least one who really deserved to get eaten by the title shark. The movie stars the delightful Kabby Borders as college student Eden, come to a secluded island “resort” for a singles fitness event in the hope of putting a broken romance behind her. Unfortunately, ex-boyfriend Sam [played by Bryce Durfee] has come to the island for pretty much the same reason. Both give good performances.
The movie has lots of good performances. Eric Etebari is the owner of the resort. Michelle Cortés and Christina Masterton are Eden’s friends. Sean Samuels and Owen Saxon are Sam’s friends. Quinn Bozza plays the resort’s medic. Other resort employees include Cristina Jayo and Jaime Wallace. I’m not talking any Oscar nominations here, but the overall acting is better than in your typical shark movie. Kudos to the casting director.
Here’s the IMDb summary:
A tropical singles retreat takes a terrifying turn when guests realize a poisonous shark is infesting the surrounding water. Not only will it rip apart its victims, but it also uses projectile acid to hunt - in and out of the water.
SPOILERS AHEAD
SPOILERS AHEAD
SPOILERS AHEAD
SPOILERS AHEAD
SPOILERS AHEAD
SPOILERS AHEAD
The shark is a pretty cool monster. It’s been mutated by chemicals in the water. It spews a corrosive bile. Its merest scratch causes a super-rabies that turns its victims into crazed pseudo-zombies. The CGI effects are a little repetitive, but they work fine in this suspenseful and sometimes fast-paced film.
You know how in some of these movies the victims-to-be have no one but themselves to blame because they made bad decisions? That’s not the case here. The resort owner’s lack of funds are the reason he hasn’t kept the place up to snuff. The shark eats the communication cable that would allow them to call for help. None of the island’s boats are in good shape. Also, though we viewers see the shark very early on, by the time the characters know what they’re facing, they are already in dire straits.
Once the menace is known, everyone actually tries to come up with ways to escape the island, get help or kill the shark. The deck is stacked against them, but they do their best and show some courage as they proceed. None of the deaths is laughable. These characters are basically good people in a terrible situation.
There’s nothing original in how the characters fight the shark and ultimately defeat it. But their reasoning is good and the director plays fair with the viewers. No lucky break comes out of nowhere. And, yes, it’s got one of those cheesy “oh, no” endings I’m not at all fond of, but which I shook off by realizing that the characters were in a much better situation in that last scene. What happened on the island does not have to repeat itself on the mainland.
SPOILERS OVER
SPOILERS OVER
SPOILERS OVER
SPOILERS OVER
SPOILERS OVER
SPOILERS OVER
Toxic Shark was exciting and fun. I’d watch it again. I’ll probably buy it when it comes out on DVD.
If you’ve been keeping track of the score, Sharknado Week 2017 is 2-2. Empire of the Sharks would have aired on Saturday, August 5, and Sharknado 5: Global Swarming on Sunday, August 6. Naturally, I plan to watch both of those movies, though I won’t be able to post my reviews of them until I get back from my quick trip to New York City. Look for those reviews next Monday.
I’ll be back tomorrow with more stuff.
© 2017 Tony Isabella
Trailer Park Shark hooked me with that great title and then lost me within in the first five minutes of the movie. Privileged city boy that I am, I was still put off by the film’s offensive portrayals of its trailer park residents. Dehumanizing the characters we’re supposed to care about as a great white shark dines at the redneck buffet? What genius came up with that notion?
Director Griff Furst has an impressive resume as a director, actor and writer, but he was off his game in this film, co-written with four other writers: Nathan Furst, Marcy Holland, Matt Muschamp and Xander Wolfe. Way too many cooks.
The movie stars Thomas Ian Nicholas as Rob, whose curly hair looks pretty much the same as when the actor starred in 1993's Rookie of the Year. Recognizing the grown-up Nicholas was the very few good moments I had while watching this movie. Also in the movie: Lulu Jovovich as hot girlfriend Joline, Clint James as Rufus the Cowboy, Elise Berggreen as the overly-made-up Daisy, Josh Whites as creepy thug Bruno, Dennis Haskins as the cliched boss of the trailer park and everything that supplies it and, in an absolutely wasted short part, Tara Reid as Billie Jean. Tara, baby, you’re better than this movie. Next time, if you’re sitting around waiting to star in the next Sharknado movie, e-mail me. I can write you a much better part in a much better monster movie.
Here’s the Internet Movie Database summary:
A tropical storm floods Soggy Meadows trailer park and forces a hungry shark upriver.
SPOILERS AHEAD
SPOILERS AHEAD
SPOILERS AHEAD
SPOILERS AHEAD
SPOILERS AHEAD
SPOILERS AHEAD
It’s not just a tropical storm that floods the trailer park. It’s that their landlord ordered Bruno to dynamite a levee so that the storm would flood the trailer park. We don’t see the flooding and I’m guessing that’s because you can only stretch a ridiculously low budget so far. The hungry shark is a great white who doesn’t know it can’t live in fresh water, though a character tries to cover for that by saying it came inland to give birth. That doesn’t happen and is never mentioned again. Oh, yeah, and the shark is already in the area before the levee goes boom.
By the time we get to the flooded camp, most of the trailers are mostly underwater and some of them have been swept to other parts of the area. The shark eats Rob’s uncle when the two of them are trying to hook up the trailer park to a wind turbine and get free electricity. The turbine will show up for the climax.
Rob gets video of Bruno fleeing the scene of the explosion, but the shark eats the video. Boss Deconnard, who has plans for the trailer park land, tells Bruno and his goons to make sure no one survives the flooding and, especially, to make sure Rob doesn’t expose their murderous actions.
As the movie progresses, the shark eats almost all of the trailer park residents and all of the bad guys. It also eats a horse, which struck me as pointlessly cruel. That horse might still have had a career after this movie.
Sometimes the shark jumps out of the water to eat someone standing on a mostly sunken trailer. Sometimes it just waits for them to go into the water. Once it plows into a trailer to eat the only black character in the film and - Do you have to ask? - that character is horribly offensive.
Rob and Joline catch the shark, but it breaks free and, trailing a cable, gets caught by the wind turbine blades, pulled up to the top of the wind turbine, and sliced into a great many gooey chunks of shark. I have an enormous capacity to willingly suspend my belief when watching movies like this. This was beyond even that capacity.
SPOILERS OVER
SPOILERS OVER
SPOILERS OVER
SPOILERS OVER
SPOILERS OVER
SPOILERS OVER
Trailer Park Shark was not worth watching beyond that this review will prove to my family that I don’t love every cheesy shark movie that comes my way. I strongly recommend that you not toss away the ninety minutes it will take you to watch it.
The week got back on track with the Thursday, August 3 premiere of Toxic Shark. Directed by first-time director Cole Sharp, it was a fun shark flick with a nice mix of likeable characters and at least one who really deserved to get eaten by the title shark. The movie stars the delightful Kabby Borders as college student Eden, come to a secluded island “resort” for a singles fitness event in the hope of putting a broken romance behind her. Unfortunately, ex-boyfriend Sam [played by Bryce Durfee] has come to the island for pretty much the same reason. Both give good performances.
The movie has lots of good performances. Eric Etebari is the owner of the resort. Michelle Cortés and Christina Masterton are Eden’s friends. Sean Samuels and Owen Saxon are Sam’s friends. Quinn Bozza plays the resort’s medic. Other resort employees include Cristina Jayo and Jaime Wallace. I’m not talking any Oscar nominations here, but the overall acting is better than in your typical shark movie. Kudos to the casting director.
Here’s the IMDb summary:
A tropical singles retreat takes a terrifying turn when guests realize a poisonous shark is infesting the surrounding water. Not only will it rip apart its victims, but it also uses projectile acid to hunt - in and out of the water.
SPOILERS AHEAD
SPOILERS AHEAD
SPOILERS AHEAD
SPOILERS AHEAD
SPOILERS AHEAD
SPOILERS AHEAD
The shark is a pretty cool monster. It’s been mutated by chemicals in the water. It spews a corrosive bile. Its merest scratch causes a super-rabies that turns its victims into crazed pseudo-zombies. The CGI effects are a little repetitive, but they work fine in this suspenseful and sometimes fast-paced film.
You know how in some of these movies the victims-to-be have no one but themselves to blame because they made bad decisions? That’s not the case here. The resort owner’s lack of funds are the reason he hasn’t kept the place up to snuff. The shark eats the communication cable that would allow them to call for help. None of the island’s boats are in good shape. Also, though we viewers see the shark very early on, by the time the characters know what they’re facing, they are already in dire straits.
Once the menace is known, everyone actually tries to come up with ways to escape the island, get help or kill the shark. The deck is stacked against them, but they do their best and show some courage as they proceed. None of the deaths is laughable. These characters are basically good people in a terrible situation.
There’s nothing original in how the characters fight the shark and ultimately defeat it. But their reasoning is good and the director plays fair with the viewers. No lucky break comes out of nowhere. And, yes, it’s got one of those cheesy “oh, no” endings I’m not at all fond of, but which I shook off by realizing that the characters were in a much better situation in that last scene. What happened on the island does not have to repeat itself on the mainland.
SPOILERS OVER
SPOILERS OVER
SPOILERS OVER
SPOILERS OVER
SPOILERS OVER
SPOILERS OVER
Toxic Shark was exciting and fun. I’d watch it again. I’ll probably buy it when it comes out on DVD.
If you’ve been keeping track of the score, Sharknado Week 2017 is 2-2. Empire of the Sharks would have aired on Saturday, August 5, and Sharknado 5: Global Swarming on Sunday, August 6. Naturally, I plan to watch both of those movies, though I won’t be able to post my reviews of them until I get back from my quick trip to New York City. Look for those reviews next Monday.
I’ll be back tomorrow with more stuff.
© 2017 Tony Isabella
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